HomeMindsetDO NOT BECOME ADDICTED TO IMPROVING YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS
DO NOT BECOME ADDICTED TO IMPROVING YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS
June 6, 2017
The point of studying social skills should be so you can get to the stage where without having to waste too much time, you can make friends and have the social life you want. This allows you to focus on what is truly important in your life and to you. Whether this is a hobby, or a career, or your purpose in life.
The point of life is not to be popular, or have a lot of friends. Good social skills are a bonus that makes life more enjoyable, but it is not what life is about.
Good social skills are a way to add more value to your life, but it is not life itself.
You will only spend a limited amount of time to improve your social skills and bring it up to a level you are happy with and that allows you to make friends.
You will never get ‘perfect’ social skills, and you will never get everyone you meet to like you.
Some people who study social skills become obsessed with this, and they get trapped in a never-ending quest of constantly trying to improve their social skills. This is pointless.
Eventually, your social skills will reach a level that will be good enough for you to have the number of friends you want, and that will be enough.
You will find as you keep making more and more friends, the harder and more challenging it can be to maintain all these different friendships. It will be too time-consuming. You will actually start to wish for fewer friends.
There is a limit to how far you will keep improving your social skills. But that limit is set by you, and you alone.
Will you let your ego and insecurities gain control, and keep making more and more friends even when you have too many?
Or will you let logic and common sense prevail, and realise that spending all your time trying to constantly improve your social skills is a pointless exercise once your social abilities have reached a certain level?
What I want to do is to help you improve your conversation abilities to the point where you can make enough friends that you are satisfied with. Once your conversation abilities are good enough, and you are satisfied with it, you do not need me anymore. You do not need to read my articles or visit my website anymore once you are satisfied with your conversation abilities.
What I personally believe, and I believe this very strongly, is that you should spend most of your time and mental energy on improving your work, health, hobbies, etc. You should only spend a relatively small amount of time on making new friends and maintaining your social life.
When you are first trying to improve your conversation abilities, you may spend a lot of time on it to make progress. But this should only be temporary. Once your conversation abilities have improved, then you need to spend less time on the social side of your life, and more time on the other important areas.
You should try to develop your conversation abilities to the point where you do not have to dedicate a lot of time to make friends and maintain your social life. And there are just a few key areas you need to learn to improve your conversation skills. One of those is knowing what to talk about, which you can find the answer to here What Do I Talk About?
Once you learn these key areas, then you can move on from trying to improve your conversation skills.
Some of you reading this may be young people with a lot of time at the moment, and may think that you can continue to spend a lot of time in the future to work on your social life. I want to point out it is just not practical for the average person who is working 9 to 5, five days a week, to be able to spend a lot of time on their social life.
Add to that the time spent travelling, and doing the required chores like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and ideally exercising; and you have even less time. With that remaining little time you have left, you will also need to take time out to rest by yourself. So it leaves you with very little time for your social life.
This is just the unfortunate reality of life.
So bearing this in mind, it is simply not practical to have a social strategy of wanting to spend the rest of your life on improving your social abilities or your social life.
You have to stop spending time on improving your social abilities after a certain point, as there are simply many more important things in life to focus on.
You should improve your social abilities so you can get to the point where you can make enough friends and maintain your social life without requiring a lot of time. This is the only way to be practical.
But once you reach that level, then stop trying to improve your conversation abilities, and dedicate yourself towards other more important areas of your life.
Only work on your social skills until it gets to a point where you can have ‘enough’ friends, NOT ‘more than enough’ friends.
Do not become addicted to improving your social skills. There is a limit you will reach, where you will have to stop because you are already good enough. Obsessing over improving your social skills more so you can get everybody to like you (which will never happen as you will never get everybody to like you); or to make too many friends (when you do not have the time or energy to maintain that many friendships), is pointless, and ultimately a waste. If this is what you think, you are not looking at the bigger picture, or you are living in a false reality.
Improve your social skills, but only until you reach a certain level in your abilities.
Know when that level is, know when you have enough friends, know when to stop.