SEE THE GOOD IN YOURSELF AND TALK KINDLY TO YOURSELF

You need to be careful and gentle with the way you talk to yourself.

Our mind and feelings are like a child, that is separate to ourselves. If you talk kindly to a child, he or she will be happier and will be more productive. The same goes for your mind and feelings. If you talk gently to yourself, your mind will feel better and will function better.

Some of us talk to ourselves the way we would never talk to our friends or the people we are close to.

We would not criticise someone for every little mistake or embarrassing moment they have. So why do we talk like that to ourselves?

We say nice things to other people, but are mean and overly critical when we talk to ourselves.

Talk nicely to yourself, and be nice to yourself.

You have to live with yourself for every second, of every minute, of every day. So why not learn to like yourself and focus on the good points within you.

We all have good and bad points. Nobody is perfect. You can choose to either concentrate on and remind yourself of the bad points within you. Or you can concentrate on and remind yourself of all the good points you have.

Do not keep telling yourself that you wish you were taller or more attractive. Instead, tell yourself that you like yourself for who you are. We are all unique, special individuals.

Do not criticise yourself for that time you failed a subject. Instead, tell yourself how proud you are that you tried.

Do not tell yourself you are a loser for having your job application rejected. Instead, tell yourself how thankful you are that you tried.

Focus on the good, not the bad within you. See the positives within you.

Always talk kindly and be supportive of yourself.

Congratulate yourself on those few, small things you did right; rather than obsessing over and replaying the mistakes you made.

Congratulate yourself for exercising for 20 minutes the other day.

Think of all the little things you did right and congratulate yourself for it.

Congratulate yourself for cleaning the house.

You found a jar of peanut butter that was being sold at a discounted price? Well done! You are awesome! (As long as that jar of peanut butter is not expired).

Tell yourself how well you did for having cooked dinner.

Learn to like yourself, and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a child you cared for a lot, and wanted to nurture and promote their feelings of well-being. Because we all have a part of us that is like a child and is affected by what is said to us.

There are two parts to us. The first is the part of us that has thoughts. The second part is the part of us that receives and is affected by what others say, or what we tell ourselves. When we like ourselves and have thoughts about how much we like ourselves, we will not need others to like us.

Tell yourself how much you like your physical features, and like your physical appearances and the way you look.

When you start to see the good within you and talk gently to yourself, your self-esteem will go up. You will not be surprised when other people like you.

When you start to like yourself, it will matter less whether other people like you. Because you are giving yourself appreciation, respect and support, you don’t need it as much from others. When this happens, you will be less afraid of rejection.

EXERCISE: Start seeing the good in you and thinking of all the things that are right with you. Start talking to yourself gently. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a loved one (Hopefully you talk kindly to the people you love. Otherwise you may need to change that as well!). Focus on the positives within you. Keep doing this and make it into your new way of thinking. Work on your relationship with yourself, that is the most important relationship. Learn to like yourself.